Should i continue talking to my ex

Yes you guys, I confess: I'm still in contact with my ex-boyfriend more often that I care to admit. But here's why I'm trying to pull back, and you should, too. Those of you who've had amicable breakups in which both parties can honestly and truly remain friends in a healthy, functional way while continuing to move on with their lives, you can disregard this article.

Also, shut up, you're making me feel inferior and immature. For the rest of you, with the predictably messy breakups, hurt feelings, ups and downs of recovery, and lure of breakup sex, listen up. Create a personalised ads profile. Select personalised ads.

Apply market research to generate audience insights. Measure content performance. Develop and improve products. List of Partners vendors. Getting over a breakup is never easy.

After you've invested time in a person, formed a meaningful bond, and gotten used to having them as a central part of your life, it's hard to cut ties entirely. It's no surprise, then, that the urge to text your ex can be almost unbearable. You may feel the need to give them a piece of your mind, you might want to tell them you miss them terribly, or perhaps you just want to see how they're doing.

When it comes to texting your ex, there is no right or wrong answer, but if you've felt the urge to make contact, you know how agonizing the decision can be. To make the decision-making process easier, we tapped Fran Walfish , PsyD. Meet the Expert. Keep scrolling for everything you need to know about when it's ok to text an ex, and when it's best to put down your phone. Others, who truly loved their ex , can't let go. Some are afraid of getting out there again, so they keep their former relationship alive as a way of staying involved and not feeling single again," Walfish explains.

But according to the psychotherapist, there's only one way to truly let go of our ex: dating. Although reaching out to an ex is certainly tempting, there can be many unpleasant repercussions.

Ideally, all further interactions with your former partner will end happily and will result in respectful, considerate conversation. But any attempts at communication could just as easily result in you being ignored, accosted, or another form of hostile or inconsiderate behavior, which might aggravate a wound that is already struggling to heal.

If you're asking yourself whether or not you should reach out to an ex, the safest answer is no; after all, a "no" can readily morph into a "yes," while an attempt to reach out cannot be rescinded once it is offered. Remembering why you broke up is an important step in answering this question, and it may be able to save you additional heartache and pain.

One of the most important aspects in determining whether or not you should reach out to an ex is evaluating your own motivation. This can be a difficult thing to do because people often struggle to be honest with themselves about the "why" behind their actions or can find the "why" difficult to determine when they want something too badly to remain objective.

This is where therapy can come in handy; ideally, a therapists guides you while you learn about yourself-you learn about your motivations, your needs, your boundaries, and your hopes, all of which can help you come to a greater understanding of yourself. With this information, you'll have a clearer idea about whether or not your breakup was one that warrants further pursuit of your ex or one that would be best left alone.

Not each and every breakup requires therapeutic intervention. Past breakups may have been easy, cut-and-dry endeavors where you broke up, moved on, and went about your life. If the question of speaking to an ex has arisen, however, understanding your breakup and subsequently healing from it might be easier with an objective third party.

Few relationships that end on healthy, concrete terms prompt thoughts getting in contact with an ex. Usually, it is the difficult, unwanted, or unexpected breakups that encourage the notion of contacting an ex, and these breakups might have far more to them than a simple misunderstanding or easy separation.

Therapists can not only help you understand yourself better but can also offer you insight into your relationship as a whole. They may be able to point out issues in your relationship that were significant and even hazardous issues that you may have been willing to overlook when you were trying to make it work.

This can be a painful process, but it's necessary if you want to heal and move on. Speaking to an ex in these instances can further delay healing and even obscure valid concerns. Below, BetterHelp users recount their experiences working through difficult situations via online therapy. But Whitney has just been so great! I signed up for BetterHelp because I was going through a breakup with problems I knew stemmed from problems with myself. I knew I felt unhappy in my relationship but could not for certain say why.

Therapy with Whitney has been so great in helping me become more self aware and reflective. And, of course, the breakup was hard at first. But every day, with Whitney, I was able to feel a little bit better than the day before. She listened with kindness and without judgment.

Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad breakup and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier frame of mind. Most experts agree: you should not reach out to your ex unless you hope to salvage a treasured friendship.

The impulse to reach out to an ex, whether it is because you still have feelings for them, you are seeking comfort and familiarity, or you simply want to know how they are doing, is often a bad idea.

All breakups occur for a reason, and these reasons are usually legitimate to at least one of the people involved. Although it may be hard, focusing on your own health and growth can limit the desire to reach out to an ex, helping you move forward with your life. BetterHelp is here for you every step of the way, if you want an unbiased, professional ear.

Take the first step today. Whether ex-lovers can remain friends after breakup is really a matter of opinion and personal circumstances. If you have been in a relationship with someone and you both agree that you are better off as friends instead of lovers, it may be possible to remain friends.

Keeping yourself from reaching out to an ex can be hard, especially if you have spent most of your time with them or if your relationship lasted a long time and you used to talk to them every day. While some couples can end a relationship and choose to remain friends, this is not always the case.

Before you break radio silence and starting to talk again, you need to consider a few things. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that exes will get back together. In the cases when exes do reconcile, there is not a specific timeline for this to happen. Some couples break up and after a time apart, find that they were happier together. In some situations, it may be necessary to seek couples counseling to help work through issues.

Depending on how many issues need to be worked through, the amount of time it takes before reconciliation occurs may vary. The no contact rule and no talk rule is often used as a manipulation approach by individuals who want to get the attention of or garner favor from someone, especially an ex.

In some cases, this works, and exes try to reconcile the relationship. However, there are times when going no contact can make your ex move on. If you truly want your ex to move on and you want to use no contact as one way to help him do so, it is important that you do not break the no contact rule.

There may be times when it is hard to stay away; do it anyway. No contact means no texts, no calls, no social media posts or messages. Different people respond to no contact in different ways.

Some of the most common things that he may be feeling or thinking during no contact are:. Depending on the circumstances regarding the breakup, and the reason that one or both of you felt that no contact was necessary, the amount of time it takes for an ex to miss you varies.

Some people immediately have feelings of loneliness and miss their ex. Others may experience moments of sadness or missing an ex that come and go. In some cases, especially if the relationship was unhealthy or abusive, an ex may only feel relief when they go no contact.

The signs that an ex is over you vary from one person to the next. However, there are some behaviors that may be easily noticeable. Wanting to know if your ex still has feelings for you is natural. A few things that may indicate they still love you include. Of course, if you have children together, you have legitimate reasons to communicate about important matters. This is especially true if he has a new girlfriend.

One of the main reasons your ex may be contacting you is that he wants to make you jealous. His new girlfriend may not be as attentive as he had hoped and he may be second-guessing ending the relationship with you, especially if you were attentive to his wants and needs.

In some cases, he may simply want to be friends. There are a few things that indicate the breakup of a relationship is final. If your relationship was like a roller coaster of ups and downs, you may feel relief that it is over. In this case, you may feel that it is best to let the breakup be final. Also, if you feel more relief that the relationship has ended or feel little emotional pain related to the breakup, this is a good indicator that the breakup is final.

It is not uncommon for a guy to miss you after a breakup, even if the breakup was bad. The amount of time you spend in a relationship with someone and the reason for the breakup both can influence whether he will miss you. For example, if your relationship was more tumultuous than peaceful, he may feel like he has peace since the relationship has ended.

If, on the other hand, you both agreed that the relationship was not the best situation for both of you, but parted on good terms, he may be more likely to miss you.